Make us one!

"That's not what we are in America."

Sorry, but if it happens in America, then that is what we are in America.

There is no across-the-board agreement on what it means to "be an American." There isn't. And when we act or assume that we have this unity of thought, we are mightily deceiving ourselves and setting ourselves up for violent conflict with other members of our community.

Why violent? Because outright assertions or presumptive implications that you are what you know you are not is an attack on the most intimate part of your person of the most violent kind.

What is it to be America? To be Mormon? To be male? Black? White? Gay? Straight? Muslim? Christian?

One man says this Mormon isn't Christian, but what he means is, "This man is in defiance of absolute right!"

This politician says that one isn't exhibiting traits of an American, but what she means is, "That woman behaves or believes contrary to the ideals of America, which is absolute right!"

You've heard the phrase, "Cool is as cool does," right? You know what that means? It means that if someone self-identifies as a ________, then what they do is what a ________ does.

Period.

That is exactly what I am talking about.

Seems simple enough, right? Call yourself whatever you want and whatever you do is part of whatever name you give yourself.

And it's true absolutely without exception.

The implications can be a bit challenging, though, to our current sense of sensibility.

Define "American" as somebody who satisfies the requirements for legal citizenship, then whatever those people DO is part of America.

Is it American to murder? Well, do some Americans murder? Then murder is a part of America.

Do American women have their unborn babies killed? Then that is a part of America. Do some American men marry other men? Then that is part of America. Do some white kids hate some black kids?

You get the idea.

If you are a biological female are sexually attracted to biological males, then that phenomenon is part of the biological female picture. If it happens in America, then it is American. If it happens in Mormondom, then it is part of Mormondom. If the practitioner says she is a Mormon, then it is a Mormon behavior. If it happens in your family, then it is a part of your family. If you are a biological female and your are sexually attracted to other biological females, the that phenomenon is part of the biological female picture. If it happens in America, then it is American. If it happens in Mormondom, then it is part of Mormondom. If the practitioner says she is Mormon, then it is a Mormon behavior.  If it happens in your family, then that is part of what it means to be in your family.

What I'm talking about is our propensity to start with words instead of people when dealing with other humans.

You are (usually) not my definition of American. You are (usually) not my definition of Mormon. You are (usually) not my definition of Muslim. Or my definition of black or white or Russian or whatever. You exist on a plane entirely above and outside of my conception of these words. Your existence — the limit of your experience — is not constrained by the limit of my vocabulary.

You are YOU.

Before any terms or definitions, you are YOU.

Though, in general, it is a matter of outstanding existential debate whether we are more than our names, it is entirely appropriate here to say that we are. So when we self-identify with a term or definition, then we bring ourselves to that the meaning of that word, and not the other way around.

And really, when the end of the statement is simply, "This is me! This is what I am," we don't have too much problem with it.

However, what we are really saying in all the examples at the beginning of this is, "I'm right and you are wrong."  "My life is in harmony with the mysterious laws of rightness and yours is not."

God is on my side — not on yours.

We all would get a great deal further toward where we wanted to go if we would recognize what we are really saying: that I am right, and you are wrong. That we really don't have as much in common with each other as we have been pretending.


Next article: Whether socially healthy people involve themselves in the "I'm right" debate at all.